Peace of Conscience and Peace of Mind

As I mentioned last week, my recent trip to Utah was fantastic and included some spiritual experiences in which I felt I learned (or was reminded) of some important life lessons which I promised to share. While driving back to Idaho I thought a lot about my Aunt Brenda and how much I love her and how impressed I am with the overall sense of peace she somehow seems to have. It almost didn't make sense to me that someone suffering from cancer could exude peace and love the way she does. As I thought about this I thought of two other experiences which reinforced the lesson I was learning. The first was a combination of many events from my mission, in which I so badly wanted to bring peace into the lives of the people I was befriending. The specific moment that encapsulated this for me was a heartbreaking moment I had on a Saturday morning in a trailer park in Pocatello. As I stood with a woman not much older than me, and experienced her 3 kids running around, trashing her trailer, making insane amounts of noise, and thinking I saw bruises on her arm as I heard about the mixed emotions of anxiety, fear and relief she was feeling about her husband leaving, I wanted so badly to take away the complications in her life. I wished I could have convinced her to stop drinking and doing whatever else she was doing to numb her pain. She told me she had a lot to do that day and so I only had 5 minutes to share my message. With the opportunity to share only one thing I had her read John 14:27, a verse that summarizes the Savior's promise to those who follow Him. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." I never saw that lady again and I don't know what effect that meeting had on her, but it had a major impact on me as my faith was strengthened that somehow Jesus Christ really did have the power to bring peace into her life if she would let it. I knew that I felt at peace with my life in a way that I never had before and that it was through Christ, but I had a hard time articulating exactly how this happened. The thought I had on the drive back from Utah that brought all of this together was the memory of a talk given by one of Christ's Apostles, named Richard Scott. Because of his direct connection to my family, and the experience I had with him, his words always mean a lot to me, but I particularly remembered the distinction he made between peace of conscience and peace of mind. In Oct 2004, he explained the difference, that peace of conscience "relates to your inner self and is controlled by what you personally do," and that it is the "the essential ingredient to your peace of mind" and "provides a foundation for happiness." Peace of mind on the other hand is affected by external forces such as family, economic stress, school, relationships and sickness. It seems to me that he's saying that these concerns are valid, but fleeting and temporary, and that if we do not feel peace of conscience, or at peace with the life we are living and the unfixed mistakes we have made in the past, then no amount of peace of mind can bring enduring happiness. As I described in my Christmas post about the recovering crack addict I heard on the subway, peace of conscience is possible because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I wanted so badly to tell everyone in southeastern Idaho that there is no reason to live with guilt or shame or fear of retribution, that all mistakes can be fixed and forgiven. I know this because I have experienced the dramatic difference that comes as I have peace of conscience despite unnerving experiences that temporarily disrupt peace of mind. I learned this again from Brenda, who perhaps has reason to struggle with feeling peace of mind, but whose life is so full of love and forgiving and charity that she really does feel peace of conscience and really does experience enduring happiness. As I drove past Burley, Idaho on I-84 and realized once again that what Elder Scott had taught wasn't purely theoretical, but that it was real and that it was the source of peace I feel about my life, I broke down and cried. Having once again tasted of this fruit, nothing would please me more than for my family and friends to enjoy it as well. I hope that if you have any feelings of wanting deeper peace and happiness that you'll follow the link in this post to Elder Scott's talk, or follow the link at the top right of this page that says "learn more about my church." Just as I promised that woman in Pocatello, I can promise you that deep peace and enduring happiness really are possible.